We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
