through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
