Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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