I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
