im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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