Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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