this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
