The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize