How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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