I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
