never play flip cup with pint glasses
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Randomize
