So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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