1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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