I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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