I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
