Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
