I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Dick very happy bro
Randomize
