Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
