haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
