Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
