if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
