he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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