I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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