this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
