So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
