A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
