Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
