i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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