Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize