worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
