Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
there is puke in my bra ... again
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