"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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