That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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