I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
