dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
