DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
