I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize