I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Randomize
