Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
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