I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
