I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
