I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
