so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
