Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
