Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
