I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
