You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
