(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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