she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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