There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
