woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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