i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize