I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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