I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
