Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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