Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
