my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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