i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
babies were throwing up all over the place
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
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