I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
