i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
