so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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