flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
