im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
