You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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