how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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